There are more little stimulating nubs on this than I’ve seen in a good long while. That said, if you’re all about textures, this toy has it.

It doesn’t make me want to get busy, it makes me want to call the CDC. I’m sorry, but this just looks like someone has contracted a horrible alien virus. It’s not pictured here, but if you click through you will see that it also has a suction cup base and balls.

But when you make it in a skin-tone, I am getting off the boat and setting the dock on fire. This is how far down the rabbit hole I’ve gone: a dildo that looks like a realistic ear of corn? Sure, why not.